Do What the Monty Python Boys Say

Well, after a little over two months of being virtually unemployed, I have finally found myself a job. It isn't necessarily in my field and it's not going to make me a millionaire, but it's got a lot of small bonuses that I appreciate, one being that it's a place I go every day and complete tasks for which someone then hands me money. I think I need some tasks to complete and I definitely need someone to hand me money.

I'm taking over the job from a good friend who is moving on to bigger things. While we were training together, I said, "I hope you don't think less of me for taking this job." (We are the kind of friends who can say such things to each other) She looked at me like I was crazy, as people often do, and said, "Why would I think less of you for taking a job that I was just doing? I would think less of you for sitting around doing nothing and not taking what was offered to you." And of course, she was right. But I still had my doubts.

I tend to look on the negative side of things. People who know me well will say this is a gigantic understatement, so maybe I should rephrase that. I almost always look on the negative side of things. I would, of course, like to say I'm just cautious. Careful. Realistic. And I am those things. But I am also wary of getting too excited about anything, lest it disappoint me or make me feel like a fool. And I suspect that's not the optimum way to live.

When I was younger, I remember getting unbelievably excited about things. I would pack for camp two weeks in advance, checking and rechecking my list for accuracy and completeness. I would wake up three hours early for a trip to St. Louis and drive everyone to the point of madness by asking "When are we leaving? How much longer? Are we there yet?" fifty times more often than the average child. I couldn't wait for summer because I just knew it was going to be awesome, every time.

Something happened between now and then. I no longer have the same level of excitement and anticipation about anything, be it a job or a concert. I'm usually able to muster it by the time the event comes around, but leading up to it I'm usually filled with thoughts of what can and probably will go wrong. I like to be pleasantly surprised when things go right, rather than be sure that they will only to be disappointed when they don't.What happens between childhood and adulthood to cause this phenomenon?

I guess now we have choices. As children, we don't necessarily choose our emotions, we just let them wash over us and bathe in the glory of innocence. As adults, we have seen more, been disappointed more, and can spot the pitfalls that we once fell headfirst into. This wisdom, although welcome and necessary, can cause us to be "...cautious. Careful. Realistic." Which is all well and good, but we can cautious, careful, and realistic ourselves into not enjoying anything.

It appears, then, that we must choose to be excited. Enthusiastic. Happy. We are forced to choose our paths, which is pretty exciting itself when you actually consider it. So I'm going to break from tradition this time and choose to be excited, enthusiastic, and happy about this new little venture in my life.

Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job

Well, it was bound to happen. After a week of going strong with seven consecutive posts, the day I decided I just didn't feel like posting arrived...followed by fourteen more. But at least it was an even two weeks (my brain only functions well with neat, round numbers).

I just don't have a whole lot going on to write about at the moment. For the first significant amount of time since I turned 16 and was forced into my premier job as buffet attendant at a hideous chain restaurant, I am unemployed. It was a conscious choice made to get out of an extremely dysfunctional work environment, and I can honestly say I don't regret it for one moment. I would never recommend quitting a job without having another lined up, but in this instance I know I made the right choice. A huge weight was lifted, if the smaller one of near total poverty was added. I love my night job, but teaching part-time just doesn't pay the bills.

Perhaps this person's teacher should have been paid more...or less.

So I am currently relegated to the world of White Rain shampoo, 59 cent stale store brand bread, and giving up those little luxuries like dryer sheets. I now keep track of my gas mileage and can calculate down to the half gallon how much I will need for the week. Hair appointments and the purchasing of new clothes or makeup have come to a grinding halt. I've started cutting coupons. In short, I have become my mother.

USE COUPONS: You'll carry around wads of fifties and look just like Katie Holmes

And it's actually kind of fun. I sort of like going to the store and seeing how much food I can squeeze out of five dollars. I've started picking up the free Wednesday paper instead of waiting 'til I mow to curse at its unsolicited presence in my yard (not to mention the little game I've been forced to play lately called, "How Long Can I Go Without Mowing and Still Avoid Becoming the Neighborhood Pariah"). I channeled Kramer the other night and (literally) cheered my car on home, praying the gas would hold out and feeling triumphant, like I'd won something, when it did.

"...further to the left of the slash than anyone ever dreamed!"

This isn't to make light of the situations of people who are in true, abject poverty. I'm lucky that I have a nice place to live with a very low amount of bills, and I'm extremely thankful for the small income that I'm still bringing in (not to mention the friends who have helped me along the way, but that's a whole other post). As long as I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and running water, I count myself as pretty well off. I know there are millions of people out there who are truly hurting, and I'm sure they don't think of it as a fun game when they're trying to figure out how to feed their families. But since I only have myself to worry about, I can laugh about the days I've eaten peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon for lunch and two heels of bread and butter for dinner, and I'm thinking maybe I'm in exactly the situation I need to be.

Greener Grass

It's a beautiful day in Southwest Missouri. I have a hankering (yes, hankering) to go to Wildcat Park. For my few international readers, and for those of you who live here that aren't aware, we have a wonderful treasure there just south of Joplin.Wildcat Park is beautiful, peaceful, clean, and best of all, free. It encompasses Wildcat Glades, which is home to the largest remaining chert glade in the world. I unfortunately had to Google "chert glade" myself, and no, I will not do the work for you by explaining what I found. That's the teacher in me. But, suffice it to say, it's pretty cool and helps explain why, around here, we sometimes have to pay kids to pick up rocks on our land and why they often find arrowheads while doing so.

Shoal Creek, below Grand Falls, the only continuously running waterfall in Missouri

 I went to Wildcat Park a few weeks ago, and it was my first time there since the Audubon Center had opened. I could see the building in the distance, but surrounding it was what looked like untamed wilderness. I thought and said aloud, "Why wouldn't they keep the grounds around the building maintained?" I then, of course, felt pretty stupid when the obvious answer was explained to me, which is that the grounds aren't neglected; they are part of the conservation efforts to preserve the land in its natural state. Living in a country where everything is so commercialized, shiny, and plastic, it was refreshing to see a place like this that was so untouched yet still so accessible to the public.

On the banks of Shoal Creek

 While at Wildcat, we saw families swimming, couples walking, people biking, and a photographer shooting family portraits. It was refreshing to see so many people in one place essentially enjoying the same thing and coexisting peacefully. Everyone was on their own, but still together, in a way. So today, instead of grumbling that I can't be somewhere else like London or Paris, I think I'm going to go enjoy what I've got right here.

Bridge over untroubled water